This week I have been forced to think about something that I haven't thought this intensely about in a long time. I have a paper to write for class, that's why I have to. Not that I don't think about it quite possibly everyday, but just not as in depth as this paper is forcing me to. It kind of gives me an interesting/sad feeling to have to do so, especially when I realized that today would have been her 23rd birthday if she were still alive. I'm reminded all to well of the worst phone call I have ever received in my life followed by me having to call each of our friends and repeat the news over and over again, wishing every time I said it that somehow it wasn't true and someone was just making a joke. The worst possible joke you could ever play on another human being. Then the rush of calls asking if it was really true, had Chelsea really died? Then the days of listening to "All That I've Got" and "One Sweet Day" more than any person should while crying myself to sleep and/or not sleeping. I could go on and tell about how messed up I was for like a year or so after this, but I'm not the type of person to focus on negative parts of life and this is not meant to be a depressing blog. Plus I have to describe those emotions enough in my paper and don't want to remember them much more than that. Needless to say, losing the best friend I ever had to a car accident was the hardest thing I've ever gone through and it completely sucked.

But, since I did realize it's her birthday today I wanted to relive some of the memories. If you knew her or were there, you should appreciate these, and if you didn't know her you still should. She was awesome.

I can't even tell you how many times we would laugh and laugh about the stupidest things. And her laugh, it was so hilarious! Just hearing her laugh always made me laugh so hard. On a lot of different occasions I remember laughing so hard to the point that I literally fell over and laid on the ground laughing. In my kitchen; in the front of OHS by the benches; in my front lawn one time; basically wherever. Oh good times. I could describe certain instances of why the laughter occurred but it probably wouldn't make sense to you. Also they aren't really that funny, they just made us laugh at the time for some reason.

We used to skip class all the time, once we had cars, in high school. Chelsea and I would usually get Starbucks and drive around or meet up with our drop out friends and do well, nothing. A lot of times we would just go back to my house and hang out in my mom's room (that's where the computer was) and listen to music and watch Homestar Runner or salad fingers and laugh. Some of my favorite high school memories for sure. We also were t.a.'s for the welding class our senior year and that was just hilarious. We would basically come in, correct a few papers, leave to go to smith's and get peanut butter m&m's (by far favorite candy), come back and flirt with boys til the bell rang.

After coming home from school Michelle, Marie, Chelsea and I used to sit in my front living room or around the kitchen table for hours talking about pointless things. We were all pretty obsessed with the Used at this point in our lives so the conversation usually ended up being about those boys and how much we loved whatever particular member we decided was going to be our boyfriend.

Chelsea was always the person that I would go to shows with. I still have yet to find someone that will go to shows with me as much as she did. We were at Starry Night and Muse or other venues (Reality Broken, Jam Shed....anyone?) almost every weekend, especially if Elliott's Assassin was playing. Oh Neil, good times. Miss the band. We also really loved Broke and went to all their shows that weren't 21 and older.

We spent so much time driving around and listening to music while dancing like idiots in the car. I remember one time Michelle, Chelsea and I were all driving to In the Venue to see the Used and we listened to Backstreet Boys and laughed and acted stupid the whole drive. She was always the one who drove, which is funny because she always got into car accidents. She only drove for 2 years of her life, but she went through 4 cars!! She crashed all of them. When she was late for school we used to joke that it was because she must have gotten into an accident. A lot of the times we were right too. It was funny.

There are so many other memories and hilarious stories, but they are better told in person. I miss all the good times we had in that group of best friends in high school, and I'm glad we basically all are still really good friends. Probably because we're rad. I can't believe that this November it will be 5 years since she passed away. I still wonder sometimes how I got through that and never got into drugs or drinking or something. Actually, it's one of the main reasons I ultimately started going to church again after not caring for so long. Weird, but truly everything happens for a reason and good comes from every situation. That's all for my serious side tonight. Good night and happy birthday Chelsea!