And We'll Linger On. Time Can't Erase A Feeling This Strong

It was sometime in fall of 1995 when I found myself standing in front of the t.v. watching in awe as I took in the music video that was playing. "Who is that lady?" I asked my brother laying on the couch. "Duh, that's Mariah Carey" he replied like I should know. It was then that the obsession began.

I'm writing about this for a few reasons. 1. I unpacked all my C.D. cases this week (which have been at my mom's for the past few years so I forgot how many I even have - roughly 200) and got excited to see all my Mariah stuff. 2. I just watched Zohan with my brother Mitch and loved how he was wearing her shirt basically every scene. 3. I love her.

I don't usually bring up the fact that I'm pretty much obsessed with Mariah unless she somehow comes up in conversation, so a lot of my friends don't know or at least didn't find out for awhile. Considering the type of music I usually listen to (Brand New, Incubus, Muse, 3eb, Placebo etc etc) people usually think I'm joking when I say I'm in love with her. I think it's funny because I'm not joking at all. When I meet people that share the way I feel it usually goes like this -

Me: Are you serious? I effing love Mariah Carey

other fan: No way, I love her so much!

massive hug

It's happened more than once. I remember at my work every time a Mariah song would come on either I would call Ali over in the operators booth or she would call me at my department. She or I would answer and say "I know! I love her" then hang up and get back to work. I probably listen to Mariah every single day and will never get enough. I have to go to her concert in my lifetime or I have wasted my time on earth. I'm not going to lie, for years it's been my dream to go to her concert and be proposed to at it.....by her. Actually you know come to think of it maybe those two things shouldn't happen in the same day, I would probably have a heart attack and literally die. Well it would be a good end to life.

Now that you know this about me, feel free to discontinue friendship. I will understand. I can always go listen to Mariah's 1993 hit "Anytime You Need A Friend" and feel great. And little Miss Courtney Smith don't think I can't see you rolling your eyes at me in disgust back there in Provo! You love her and you know it! Oh just to clarify, if I ever met her I would definitely not be one of those crazy fans that freaks out, that's weird. I would probably stare from afar. I've loved her for the past 14 years, if that's not lasting love I just don't know what is.

Though it's impossible to choose, here are my favorites by her. Only for today though....

10.Melt Away

9. I Still Believe

8. Dreamlover

7. Sent From Up Above

6. Long Ago

5. For The Record

4. Always Be My Baby (Mr. Dupri remix)

3. We Belong Together

2. Don't Forget About Us

1. Slipping Away (Unreleased track from 95 that I don't have and need soooo bad!)

Some Of My Friends Sell Records, Some Of My Friends Sell Drugs

It wasn't until we were driving through Snoqualmie and I saw the broken down train that sits in the middle of that small town that I began to feel like I was coming back to my roots. Only about 30 more minutes and I would be back to living in the middle of the forest. In that moment I made a promise to myself that I will make that quick drive from Redmond to Snoqualmie to hike the falls this week. Then my dad told me that about a month and a half or so ago there was some major flooding out there which ruined some houses and parts of the road. Also that they most likely closed off the trail down to the falls and wasn't sure if it was open again yet. I had already heard the trail was closed but I didn't know it was from flooding. That ruins my life completely. I will have to figure out if it's still blocked off so I can see those beautiful falls up close and personal.

When I got to my house I saw my little brother's ghetto Metro in the driveway and got excited to see him and punch him in the back, which I did. He's a big 17 year old, he can handle my weak punch. I called my oldest brother Matt and he headed over. After getting all of my belongings upstairs into my room we headed over to Kirkland to walk around the waterfront and get some dinner. Have I mentioned yet how much I love this state? Well I do. The trees, the endless number of lakes and ponds, the people (which are mostly Asian - thanks to Microsoft and Boeing), the fact that I don't have to reapply chapstick every 2 hours, basically everything. After wandering around Bellevue Square and Lincoln Square then meeting up with my brother's friends to crash their Valentine's dinner, we headed back home. My insomnia was really catching up with me by this point, so I went to bed and actually slept almost all the way through the night!

Today was your typical Sunday- wake up, hang out til church, come home, eat, hang out. It's funny I wrongfully thought I had, at least for this week, escaped the talks on marriage in Sacrament seeing as how I was at a family ward. But nope, the subject was choosing the right companion and strengthening your marriage. I'm not even kidding, when the first woman started her talk and introduced the subject my dad and step-mom both turned and looked right at me. Please, I'm like 22 leave me alone.

Now that I am away from all my friends back in Utah I am going to try my hardest to update this thing more often. I can't promise anything, but I will do my best to post more than once a month.

I Love You So Much. Do Me A Favor Baby Don't Reply

Getting everything ready to move is probably the most annoying thing that can ever happen to a person. And if you're anything like me, you procrastinate and try to do it all in the last few days. Well that's what my last days in Utah were filled with, on top of figuring out things with my car insurance for my newly totalled car.

Besides the stressful parts of relocating my life, I enjoyed my final time in UT. I mean I didn't do anything super special besides spend time with the people I wanted to see most before I left, but it was good. If I didn't get to see you before I left, I'm sorry. You're just not as important to me as the people I did see. Oh you know I'm kidding, at least a little. I do miss everyone, some quite a lot, but that's life. I will see you when I see you and I'm glad I saw you when I saw you.

Oh It's Such A Shame For Us To Part

As I took the little silver key off of my keyring and handed it to the woman behind the desk, I realized in that moment my life would be forever changed. I would never see Henry again. Since March 2005 we have spent time with each other almost every single day. I thought our love was everlasting, but apparently I was wrong. Everything was going so perfectly. We had plans for the future; we were going to take a road trip together. Who would have thought it would all come to a screeching halt, quite literally. So farewell Henry Fonda my red Honda. I will always remember the way I had to guess how fast I was going because your speedometer didn't work or how you just hated defrosting the windshield. Lets not forget the time we were driving to Salt Lake so I could go to work that one winter and you decided you just didn't need the right front tire, so it flew off and we almost died. That was so darsh of you. Despite our differences we made such a wonderful team. Every time I see a red civic I will think of you and our time together. 13 is such a young age to die, you will be missed my little 5 speed wonder.